Jonathan Light

Writer. Director. Producer.

Category: Random Ruminations (page 1 of 2)

I Was Told There’d Be Joy

The children were quiet. Too quiet…

I walked out of our bedroom to peek into Nathan’s room, expecting to see them both dead on the floor from some sort of karate move gone wrong, but – instead – I see this picture:

Isaac, 6 years old and learning to read, sitting on the floor with Nathan, 20 months, on his lap. Isaac holds Goodnight Moon – aka “Moo Book” – and is intensely trying to sound out the words to Nathan, who stares at the page, enamored and riveted. He points to the bunnies and the different things in the room and looks back at Isaac with his trademarked, “hennghh??” And Isaac says, “yes, Natey that’s right!” because that’s exactly what Rachel and I say whenever Nathan says “henggnh,” as if “henggnh” is the most profound observation of the universe a human has ever expressed. Which, of course, it is.

I took a moment to endure the cuteness-overload that flooded my brain, and then went to Rachel and made her look at what was going on.

She looked in and tears welled – joyful tears, tears that come out only when you see these moments that seem to make everything worth all the screaming and crying and mess and sleepless nights. Then she grabbed her belly: “Oh my god, my ovaries.” She wants another kid, and somehow – in those moments – I do too.

HERE is the the joy I was promised, I thought. Such delight. Such love between the two humans we created, the two babies for whom we have sacrificed and slaved for all these years, and for whom we will continue to do so until we die, even if it is this very sacrifice that will be cause of our deaths. Here is the wonder and happiness and pure, unencumbered joy that comes with being a parent.

But then Isaac saw us watching, and he got up and wouldn’t put his socks on. Nathan – livid that his 352nd journey through the Great Green Room had been left unfinished – started screaming something a lot less cute than “henggnh” at his older brother, who was now ignoring him.

We had to leave, so I asked Isaac once again to put on his socks, although the actual reaction was probably more along the lines of: “PUT YOUR SOCKS ON NOW OR I’M TAKING AWAY YOUR POKEMON CARDS!” to which he responded by bursting into tears and running into his room, which led to another Rachel EyeRollÔ and a very concerned look from Nathan, who suddenly smelled very bad.

As all parents know, these moments of pure happiness followed too quickly by abject rage are pretty much a daily occurrence. It’s stressful, and the extent to which you are able to cope with that stress is the number one indicator of your happiness as a parent.

Several times a day, I ask my older son what he wants to eat. Without fail, he replies that he doesn’t know, so I list some options, ranging from scrapple to duck l’orange, each of which is met by an emphatic “No.” I then give up and insist he decides, and the reply comes: “I just want something that I want that’s good.”

What the hell does that even mean, you incoherent spawn??

At this point, I have three options:

  • Decide for him, then when he starts screaming that this isn’t what he wants, calmly explain that he wasn’t being clear so I was forced to make the decision, and offer to have a fruitful discussion about communication.
  • Tell him I will be ignoring him until he decides, then refuse to engage even when he start shattering glass with his screams and end up an hour later with a still-screaming child who’s even hungrier and no closer to deciding what he wants.
  • Scream at him to just tell me what the fuck he wants, for the love of motherfucking GOD, then run upstairs and angry-cry into my pillow.

Though my responses have always shifted between A and B (yes, this conversation happens several times a week), I admit that there are more and more days lately in which C is my choice, albeit without actual F-bombs.

Clearly my children are the reason I had cancer and heart disease.

I’m kidding, of course, but when you find the baby drawing on the furniture even though you were sure you put the markers out of reach, this is an easy trap in which to fall: It’s all their fault. If only I had chosen to not have children. If only I had chosen to stay single and un-tethered to anyone or anything other than my own happiness and ambitions. There’s no way I would have gotten cancer and heart disease had I chosen another path, one paved with fewer diapers and less stress.

Right?

Thirty-Nine Meets Three: A Dialogue

This is a verbatim conversation.

[pdf-embedder url=”https://jonathanlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/Jon-Isaac-Dialogue.pdf”]

Producing things with cameras and stuff

My 2¢:

If you want to make things that have either audio and/or visual components, and you want these things to be good and quality and professional looking, and if you want the process of creating said audio/visual things to be fun and creative and lively and successful, then for the LOVE of GOD treat your crew right.

And if you don’t have a crew, then get one.  Nothing you do will be as good as it would be if you bring in a crew.  And nothing will be more fun and rewarding than being on a set – no matter how small – and creating something with a crew of people who like you and (for the most part) trust you.  But this will only happen if you respect them and put their happiness on a high position of importance on your importance flowchart.

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance

Not wanting to live his life as a sellout, Boba Fett eventually decided to leave bounty hunting and pursue his filmmaking dreams.

 

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Marriage, In Sum

Rachel to Me: “Look, I voluntarily signed up to be dragged along for whatever mess you get yourself into, and vice versa. And that’s not a bad thing.”

“Promised Land”

I had the extraordinary good fortune to attend a screening of “Promised Land” earlier this week, and the even greater fortune to schmooze and chat with the filmmakers and actors afterwards.

It’s so refreshing to see a film that addresses a complicated issue but tells a simple, dramatic and compelling story without getting preachy. It’s a powerful film – and very, very clever. I enjoyed it very much, and I hope it gets the attention it deserves when it’s released early next year.

Also, Matt Damon and John Krasinski are two of the most friendly celebrities I’ve ever met. I’ve always been impressed by Matt Damon’s career – he must have to deal with so much bullshit, but he seems to keep his head up and stay focused on the task at hand, and his performances show him to be a sensitive, empathic artist. No matter what I see him do, I get the sense he’s just an actor working to be as truthful to the scene as he can – like any of us. It’s a rarity for a movie star, and it’s inspiring.

And a great conversation was had with Chris Moore, the producer. Everyone involved in this film just seemed like an all-around good person, and I left that party knowing more than ever that this is the kind of work I was meant to be doing. I know I’ll need some luck to make it to that level, but this week at least I was fortunate to meet people that inspire me to pursue it.

So thanks to them. And Matt, I can’t @#$ing wait to see Elysium.

Can’t Spell Sandy Without Sad

Rachel and I were lucky. We had power, heat, water – we were really, really lucky. So many weren’t, and it’s terribly sad..

The resilience – some would call it cynicism – of the people in this city amazes me, but I think that this event will have longer-lasting effects than people might think.  We’ve basically gotten a teaser trailer of what’s going to happen when these storms start becoming more and more frequent.  As someone (I forget who) so eloquently wrote: “I can’t believe New York has a hurricane season now.”  It’s clear that this city is unable to handle it, and I hope the powers that be are paying attention.

It does make you realize that a city is only as good as its infrastructure. Getting from point A to point B or making electricity flow is completely taken for granted sometimes, and we forget the importance of infrastructure at our own peril. This is an especially important point these days, when the whole idea of any kind of social cooperation that involves pooling funds to create infrastructure is decried as Godless Muslim Socialism.

The bottom line is this: take away our electricity for a few days, and we’re pretty much crippled. It really should make people think about just how fragile our modern ecosystem has become, and just how much we need to change our thinking to guard against future catastrophes.

Brian Epstein

In light of the George Martin’s death, I’ve decided to re-post this. I think it’s a shame that he’s not had more mention or recognition for what he did, and I don’t think it diminishes George Martin’s genius or contribution to acknowledge that the Beatles would never have found Martin with Brian Epstein.

ORIGINALLY POSTED 2013:
He’s the most famous person you’ve never heard of. I vaguely knew he had something to do with the Beatles..until recently, that is, when a friend of mine introduced me to his life’s story.

I’ve been mired in it since then, and each nugget of information I consume leaves me wanting to know more.  Look up his story – Brian reached the height of heights, and then took a long, slow tumble to the bottom. His death (ruled accidental) was front-page news at the time, but people barely know him today, especially on the American side of the water.

This is sad. Brian was a stark example of what happens when people give their all and just don’t feel appreciated for the work they do. Despite his fame and fortune, all Brian really wanted was to give – and receive – love. That he was unable to find love – both because of his circumstances (being gay during a time when it was illegal to be so) AND his destructive tendencies – is a sad, sad thing.

I believe, after reading quite a bit about him, that had he been alive today, modern psychiatry would have been able to help him, through a combination of therapy and medication. He was almost definitely bi-polar, at least mildly, and medication would have helped him with his terrible mood swings.  In addition, had he had access to people like my wife, he would have received the help he needed to kick his drug habit, and the tragic combination of pills could have been avoided.

But mostly, all he needed was love.

 

 

I love my wife.

We were married today. That’s all.

Thoughts on meniscectomies

Just had my medial meniscus pretty much removed: “a large chunk,” according to my technical-jargon-using doctor.

My worry is about climbing again. Despite my recent fears of dying in the mountains, a fear I never used to have but which has promulgated with age, I still desperately want to stand on a remote peak, having moved myself up there using my own skill and fortitude.  It’s something that I need to experience during my life, just once…

Alas, whatever skill and fortitude I have left will almost definitely now have to be supplemented by a trained guiding service costing thousands of dollars, and more than likely a sturdy knee brace.  My only hope is to be successful enough in something to be able to afford both the fees and the month of time it would require.

And hopefully by the time I need a knee replacement, they’ll be made of an indestructible bionic material with WiFi connectivity.

Game Change

Just watched Game Change, the HBO film about Sarah Palin. I’m not a fan of hers, and I’m glad she wasn’t elected, and I disagree with everything – but man, I felt sorry for her. She was so obviously in over her head, and so not right for the job. It’s even more depressing to think that so many people in this country are so supportive of her as a candidate – we really need to stop this whole “I like her, so I’ll vote for her” thing. It will be the death of our republic.

Wasting Time

Instead of writing, or doing some work, or living in the real world, I just spent the last hour photo-editing a headshot.  Though the fruits of my labor are now prominently displayed on this site, I can’t help but feel that my time might have been better spent in more fruitful pursuits, like cleaning the bathroom or doing push-ups or something.

I guess I’m starting to realize I miss acting more than I’d care to admit…[sigh…]

What will happen to us?

So there’s this new platform called Popcorn.js – check it out.  It basically gives you a little sidebar next to the videos so people can view other “things” associated with the video, while the video is playing.

This article from Wired suggests that filmmakers and coders will want to join forces and – using tools like Popcorn.js – create new “experiences” on the web.  It purports to create a new layer of interactivity that will change the way we watch videos on the internet.

I’m all for innovation and creation, and I’m kind of in awe of web coders and the coolness they create.  I do not, however, think that what the world needs is another way for people to have their attention span split into 15 different branches.  There is this push to create more “interactivity” and create “less passive” experiences for people – but how much stimulus can we handle at once?

Forget for a minute that the reason I make a video or a film or something with pictures that move is because I want people to WATCH IT.  I don’t want them to kind of see it in the corner of their eye and then be able to focus on something slightly related but which ultimately has very little to do with the imagery I’ve arranged.  I want people to SEE what I’ve done.  Considering it’s a video, and all.

But forget that for a second – is this actually a good idea?  Do people actually need this?  Is it a good idea to create MORE simultaneous stimuli for people, when their attention spans are short enough already?  What will happen to our once-renowned ability to focus on one thing for more than 8 seconds?

Stories like this make me worry about a future world in which nobody really knows anything because they’ve never sat still long enough to learn it.  Everybody moves and operates in what will be known as life increments, in which every 4.5 seconds your entire being switches over to something completely different, and you follow that path until the next increment, and so on.

I guess it won’t matter then anyway, because by that point we’ll be able to simply close our eyes and download all the information we need, so people will need something to occupy their time I guess.

And the irony of it all is, I started this article with not one but TWO hyperlinks to other information, which in turn contain other hyperlinks to still further away locations on the internet.  If you’ve managed to get this far, I’m very impressed, and yet also slightly sad for you:  You and your kind are not long for this world.

Oy, Philadelphia

As Philadelphia sports fans, it’s an unnatural order of things to expect to do well – this will lead to defeat. The only way for us to be satisfied in our teams is if we expect them to choke and lose and fail every season, and then be surprised when (or if) they don’t.

Back in the real world, I’m starting to get a little overwhelmed by the possibilities in the series we’re working on at the Writer’s Studio.  Exposure has a great premise – spot news photographers roam the streets of New York.  As more and more ideas come forth, I’m realizing just how difficult it will be to make decisions: who is to say what is right and what is wrong when creating things?

I guess this is the biggest challenge of this program: finding consensus, and putting your ego aside, no matter how inspired or great you think your ideas are.

Stuck to Game of Thrones

It’s official. It began with The Sopranos, moved on to Friday Night Lights, and now it’s Game of Thrones. All are examples of reasons why I will probably fail at life. The time spent watching these things should be spent working or creating or running or reading or volunteering at a soup kitchen, but instead I sit drooling in awe at the writing, the acting, the production value and the stories. I really, really hope I get to do something like this someday…

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